There are some nights when I'm forced to recall all the times when I was told "you can't".
Tonight is one of those nights.
I can still see their faces and hear their voices.
I struggle with insecurity about 4 times a year.
And when it comes it comes strong and snowballs real quick.
I don't know if I'm a confident person for the majority of the year or if I just am too busy to care most of the time.
The best way I can describe it is a car going 200 mph down a road and suddenly a deer appears in the middle of the road. It's too late to stop and when you hit it - it's going to hurt.
I've been told I couldn't preach, teach, lead, speak, work, be married...
And the reasons vary : I'm black, I'm a woman, I'm single, I'm strong, I'm assertive...
Limitations have been put on me from the very beginning. And how I respond is entirely my responsibility.
Let me say that again : How I respond is entirely my responsibility.
And for me, pity and self loathing are not options.
Yea, I get knocked down about 4 times a year (and it's pretty bad) but as my Pastor shared so eloquently on Sunday, I gotta get back up again.
The only options I have are hard work and developing my character.
And no, the haters aren't my motivators. (In fact, I don't think I'm that significant to even have haters)
Instead, I try to be so focused on being who God designed me to be that I have no time for those who want to whisper the 'you cant's'.
In my experience, my gifts have always made room for me.
Jesus seems to always remind me of His presence when I'm tempted to sulk in a pity party. He weeps with me. Shuts my mouth when I want to retaliate. And holds my hand when fear tries to creep in.
I think that's the thing I love most about Jesus. He's not afraid of my mess or my emotions.
His faithfulness constantly whispers, 'You can.'